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trixie717
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Name: Amy
Metro: Chicago
Birthday: 7/17/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: Cheerleading, liking people and living in America.
Expertise: Making people feel good about bad decisions. Dressing inappropriately for the weather. Rolling silverware.
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/30/2003
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| Well, I would say this wretched, wretched day ended most appropriately: with me lying on the sidewalk in front of a bar on Taylor street, doubled over with laughter because a homeless man:
a. Saw Joe's backpack and asked him if he was selling newspapers.
b. Gave Kassi a stuffed dog, Sarah a pair of white, suede, high heeled, knee-high boots (size seven), Joe an entire paper bag full of Beanie Babies and me a stuffed Barney, a pair of black, high heeled boots (brand new) and a stuffed elf (because he said I laughed a lot and looked like the Joker's girlfriend).
c. Took the black boots back when I said I didn't have a dollar to give him (but let me keep Barney and the elf).
d. Told Joe he better not give me any Beanie Babies unless I gave him a dollar... or unless I gave Joe a kiss and a hug.
e. Proceeded to pull more and more mini Beanie Babies out of his pockets and toss them into Joe's bag.
Immediately following, a drunk guy stumbled out of the bar and told Kassi that the dog she was holding was probably stuffed with drugs and proceeded to rip off the dog's head and pull out all of its stuffing. He then yelled at a group of passersby for not participating in our moment of silence for the stuffed dog that he just mutilated.
All the while, I lay on the sidewalk in my winter coat, gasping-for-air laughing.
Let's play a little game I like to call "currently on my nightstand": (it's almost exactly like "wait, what is making my purse so heavy?")
-3 empty cans of PBR (I am not drinking alone in bed, I promise).
-2 empty water glasses
-1 empty Burger King cup
-1 blue, plastic party cup
-1 empty bottle of Tylenol
-1 full bottle of Coumadin
-a pile of unused Q-tips
Halloween party clean-up is taking longer than expected. | | |
| If anyone knows what exactly it is that I’m eating right now, please comment. It is allegedly a “Bruschetta Boca Burger” which Bauer left at our Memorial Day BBQ after she fixed up a double stack and then realized they had been assaulted by her arch-nemesis: the dreaded fennel seed. After returning home from a late night comedy show at the Beat Kitchen a few minutes ago (I’m so urban and interesting) I decided that I was so hungry that I didn’t care what this mystery fake meat tasted like, I would just pile it up with various condiments, veggies and cheese. Not bad. But I still don’t know what it is.
I ended up at the Beat Kitchen (still urban and interesting) because I, once again, fell victim to the ol’ Kassi Bleifuss trick of texting you at 6pm to see if you want to do something later and then calling you at 9pm and saying “Hey…” in that tone of voice that indicates that she has changed her mind and wants to go home and go to bed.
If you’re trying to lose weight, well, first of all, good for you…but second of all don’t eat a salad for dinner and think that you’re not going to be hungry at midnight.
Is there any good reason that I can’t put more than one can of Diet Coke in the fridge at a time? I will realize that I don’t have any pop in the fridge and instead of, oh, I don’t know, putting the whole pack in… I will drink a warm one, put one in the fridge, drink it, inevitably forget to replace it, go to get another come dinner time, say “shit” out loud, and start the whole process over again. It must, for my roommates, be like watching mice run into those little electric shocks in a laboratory maze.
I am trying really hard to simplify my life. I will not, however, try to trick you into thinking that this is NOT a result of my strictly limited financial resources, which I have spent much time lamenting... after which I begrudgingly decided it might be good for me. (Whatever ya gotta tell yourself to get through the recession, eh? God I love the word “recession”. I wish people would say that word more often these days. Like on the news and radio stations and people I pass on the street and the guy selling me my Diet Coke at the Joony Mart…)
Anyway, I feel like I have attempted to downsize my wardrobe at least once a month since I lost my job (to better keep up with laundry and consequently, spend less money on laundry). But no matter how many bags of clothes I give to my friends, my closets and drawers remain swollen with clothes. It’s like they’re cloning themselves like Gremlins or something. I am going to keep trying though. Soon enough I will have a manageable-sized wardrobe. I got rid of a bunch of shoes today. And later tonight I am tackling my jewelry boxes. I hope I feel more Zen once I get rid of all of this stuff.
I’ve also (very obviously) cut back on shopping trips. Most necessary clothing purchases have taken place at the Village Discount (which, actually, I love. And when I’m there looking at racks of $3 Gap and Levi’s jeans, I don’t know why I ever spent $60 on a pair of pants.) I’ve switched over to generic brands of almost every bathroom item I use and, again, don’t know why I haven’t been doing this all along. They usually taste/smell/feel exactly the same as the leading brand and are, in fact, sometimes produced by the same manufacturer.
"Step into Christmas" just came on my iTunes and I'm not changing it. I never do, in fact. I love this song. I'll just say it. Even in May. Maybe especially in May.
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| Constant dilemma: when is the best time to go grocery shopping?
Don't go when you're hungry: you'll want to buy everything.
Don't go when you're not hungry: you won't want to buy anything.
Amy's answer: go when you're drunk. Because you know exactly what you want to eat when you're drunk:
Honey Nut Cheerio's
Baked Cheetos
10 grain bread
turkey bacon (I thought as I was putting it in the fridge "I am going to eat the shit out of this bacon tomorrow.")
low fat shredded cheddar cheese (only $.99!)
seven bananas
a mini cheese pizza (for immediate consumption.)
broccoli
an onion (both toppings for the mini pizza.)
Unless you're Joe, who buys exactly what he wants all the time. ie:
a pack of socks
a bag of Cape Cod Sea Salt and Cracked Pepper Chips
a giant, gold, sparkly bouncy ball
Those little mini Home Run Inn pizzas remind me of when I was single and living with Becca. When in my deep depression, I would come home from work every single day and put broccoli, onions and tomatoes on one of those pizzas, microwave it, and sit in my air conditioned room and eat it in bed while watching dvd's of The Mary Tyler Moore Show until I fell asleep. Oddly enough, I lost 15 lbs. that summer.
Tomorrow I will have cable for the first time in two years. That, in combination with a pound of turkey bacon, could be really dangerous.
I woke up today and knew I needed to take a shower. I was dancing a lot over the last three days and I tend not to shower after rehearsal if I know I have one the next day. (Mostly because I am too tired but also because if I wash my hair, it will not stay away from my face no matter what I do.) So I knew I was overdue, but I spent the entire duration of my shower trying to remember when my last shower was. And I couldn't remember. Gross. I know that my hair had definitely been in a ponytail/pigtails since Friday. Sadly, I think it might have been Thursday.
On our way home from the bar tonight I, once again, started to get homesick for a place I have been, maybe, three times in my life. I am continually homesick for New York City. As I was processing these feelings we saw a guy helping a (probably drunk) girl put her shoe back on and the combination of those two thoughts made me want to watch the Sex and the City movie. So that's what I'm going to do.
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| Don't try to eat Hot Pockets when you're drunk. Ouch. | | |
| Ok, I'm not kidding...I just saw ANOTHER car get hit right outside my window. It seemed like these two cars were drag-racing or something because they came screeching down the street and both turned hard left into the alley, where one rear-ended the other and they sped off.
And now I am crying. Because I am tired of living in the ghetto.
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